god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
