Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
