Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
