my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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