You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
