Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
