A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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