What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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