whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
