so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
