His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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