I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
