...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
