dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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