shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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