It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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