She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
