omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
