Say something about gay babies.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The power of my boobs compel you
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
