Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
