need another drink. this is the easiest way
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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