woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
