Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
