He asked to "fluff my boner.."
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
