Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
