I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
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