new low.... made out with someone while peeing
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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