Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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