The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
