apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
