I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
