I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
