i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
