it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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