She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
