We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I want to fling myself into the sun
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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