Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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