Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
