I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
