Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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