And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
