For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
