It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
