You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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