I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Church boner. Awkwardddd
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
