I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
