I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
