i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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