do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
