so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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